


Lah Dee Dah Dah Day

by impravidus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Avengers Family, Banter, Comedy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fights, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Peter Parker Saves The Day, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Pop Culture, The Avengers Are Good Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: Aliens. It just had to be aliens.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 99





	Lah Dee Dah Dah Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LordLuminous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordLuminous/gifts).



Aliens. It just had to be aliens.

The Avengers were called to Virginia due to the landing of an ominous alien spaceship. What they had expected was a big alien showdown. Some ass-kicking, kicked ass perhaps, and major cleanup to deal with in aftermath. What they hadn’t expected was for their quinjet to be shot down by, not alien weapons, but American military. 

“What the hell?” Tony muttered. 

It was a sight to see. An odd and perplexing sight at that. For some reason, the US Army were all guarding the white house, and to make it even more bewildering, their eyes were glowing a bright pink.

“So, uh, they’re definitely brainwashed,” Sam stated.

“Avengers have arrived! Target has arrived!” The mass of hundreds of men and women barked in unison.

“Well that’s not creepy at all,” Bucky said.

“Eliminate the target! Target must be eliminated!”

And suddenly hundreds of guns were pointed towards them.

“Uh, guys? Let’s get out of here,” Peter urged pointing back to the jet.

“Yeah, good call,” Tony said. “Happy! Book it! We gotta get out of here!”

Unfortunately for the team, the engines were now shot to shit and incapable of working.

“Awesome. Fantastic. That’s just amazing,” Tony said exasperatedly. 

“If we exit from the other side and run, the jet will act as a blockade from their fire,” Natasha said already heading for the door.

“And what happens when they walk around it?” Bruce asked.

“We run even faster,” Natasha responded.

“Okay. Get your running shoes on everyone because I don’t think we’re gonna be stopping anytime soon,” Steve said.

And they were off! Running from the deafening sound of gunshots and _oh God, are those killer drones?_

Yup. They were. They had killer drones. 

After what felt like eons of shooting down _killer drones_ , they finally were able to sneak away into a covered parking lot that they blocked off the entrances to.

“Okay. What’s our game plan here?” Rhodey asked.

“Take the offense, obviously,” Clint said.

“No, we can’t just take the offense. They’ve got massive numbers on us,” Steve argued.

“And we have supersoldiers and super suits,” Sam said.

“Which is nothing compared to an alien hive mind,” Tony retorted.

“We can take them by surprise? Sneak attack?” Bucky suggested.

“Oh yeah, sneak attack the hundreds of aliens that have the ability to have eyes everywhere through hoards of followers and drones,” Natasha said with a rolled eye.

“Well why don’t you just—”

“Oh, very mature—”

“Guys, c’mon we’ve gotta—”

“Don’t tell me what to do—”

“Oh because you’re just such a control freak—”

“Guys. _Guys._ Guys!” The team went silent and faced Peter. “I know what we’ve gotta do.”

“Okay, kid. Fine. Shoot,” Tony said.

“It’s like that scene from the _Hannah Montana_ pilot,” Peter said simply.

The team looked at him with furrowed brows.

“What?” They all asked, confused.

“When Miley saw that Lily broke into her dressing room, she smashed a pie on her face,” Peter explained.

“And?” Sam questioned.

“So we use what we’ve got. She couldn’t do her Hannah makeup fast enough to hide her identity, so she did some quick thinking and used the first thing she saw. So, yes, we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, and yes we are being chased by mind controlled government agents, but they’re looking for our costumes. If we blend in with the crowds, we can get out.”

The team went silent.

“That… might actually work,” Clint said.

“Where can we get clothes?” Steve asked.

“Well, we’re in the parking lot of a gym, right? I’m sure when the area was evacuated, people didn’t stop to grab their clothes from their lockers,” Peter suggested.

“You’re on a roll, kid,” Tony said, patting him on the shoulder. “Let’s head in!”

As they all rummaged through the various lockers, Peter called out, “Make sure to grab something that you wouldn’t normally wear! We want to be as inconspicuous as possible!”

So with Rhodey and Tony looking like gym rats, Steve and Bucky looking like a hipster couple, Bruce in lumberjack chic, Clint and Natasha looking fresh out of the country club, Sam in business casual, and Peter in MCR grunge, they were almost ready to leave.

“Mr. Stark, you still look too much like Tony Stark,” Peter said.

“Because I _am_ Tony Stark! This is my face! What am I supposed to do about that?”

“Shave your goatee?” Peter suggested meekly.

“No. No! _No._ No. I will _not_ shave my goatee.”

“It’s pretty recognizable, Tones,” Rhodey pointed out.

“Not you too. I am not going to—”

The team stifled their giggles as Tony carefully sheared off his perfectly maintained facial hair.

“Oh laugh it up. _Hilarious!_ Tony Stark looking like a naked mole rat without his goatee!”

“It doesn’t look _that_ bad,” Peter said, lunging as he tried to stretch out the black ripped skinny jeans.

“Oh, not _that_ bad. That’s reassuring.” Tony ran his hand over his smooth skin. “Ya happy now?”

“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Natasha said, smoothing out her baby blue cardigan.

“I’m being the appropriate amount of dramatic!” Tony retorted. “Why does Wilson get to keep his facial hair?”

“Because no one knows who Falcon is,” Sam responded with a shrug, his suit crinkling from the movement.

“Yeah yeah,” Tony said with a dismissive wave of the hand.

“So what do we do now?” Steve asked.

“We split up,” Peter instructed. “We take down rogue guards and pose as them and we infiltrate the white house and find the source of the hive mind.”

“And what then?” Natasha asked.

He grinned. “Then we kick some alien butt.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, my Tumblr is [@official-impravidus](official-impravidus.tumblr.com)


End file.
